Thursday, May 20, 2010

Control Freak

Yes that is what I am (for the most part). I'm working on it! One of the main things I've learned in the last 8 months is that I'm not in control. I may have the illusion of being in control, but I know the One who really is in control. When we figured out that getting pregnant wasn't going to happen without a little help, I was devastated. I felt like I was broken. My body didn't work like it was supposed to. I was so scared that we would never have a child, but I had to learn to trust the One who is in control, who knows my every need, who sees my future and has plans for me. I expected the whole process to take at least a year... two months later, I got two pink lines. Excitement about being pregnant quickly dimished to a terrified state. I couldn't wrap my mind around what I was going to have to do to have this baby. All I could think was that I'm not strong enough. Guess what... I'm not. In the last 6 months, I have had to let go of my control issues and accept the fact that I'm not in control. I can't determine what is going to happen to me or David or our baby. We are in His hands and that is a good place to be.
"When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:15-16

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