Monday, October 3, 2011

My heart for today

This blog is mainly the means that I use to archive our little adventures and the little things that are going on daily as we grow as a family...but every once in a while, I feel it necessary to archive what is on my heart.  Today I am a little overwhelmed.  I've been feeling severe conviction over the last few months about my tongue.  The Bible is very specific and detailed about God's directions for the use of our words.  He tells us that words are powerful.  In multiple verses He tells us that the wise and prudent know when to speak and when to hold their tongue.  He says the tongue can bring life or death.  He describes our tongue as a sword...a weapon...and isn't that so often how we use it?  As usual, our Sunday morning service, although not specifically about what's been on my mind, was used to not only teach me what our Pastor had on his heart, but to further challenge me to listen to and act on what God has put on my heart.  I spent most of Sunday morning before church and after Sunday school pretty fussy.  It was one of those get up on the wrong side of the bed kind of days and I definitely wasn't holding my tongue.  One of the very first verses our pastor cited was James 1:19 - "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger."  There is was...the words seemed to glare down at me from the projector screen...there was no ignoring the fact that I had done the absolute and complete opposite of all three directives all morning long.  So many times, I jump to anger and speak my thoughts as soon as they pop into my little head and in my pride, I feel justified because I'm standing up for myself and for my loved ones.  As I stared at those words on the screen though...the only thing I could see in my mind was Christ beaten and bloody carrying the cross He knew he would die on...He didn't speak...He silently endured a punishment that was not His own...a punishment that belonged to me.  In fact, some of the few words He spoke were of forgiveness to the thief who was dying next to Him...instead of screaming of His innocence, He spoke of eternal life in paradise, giving that dying man hope.  Maybe that may seem extreme to some people, to equate my "giving someone a piece of my mind" with Christ silently enduring the cross, but I don't think so.  I no longer feel justification in making a big fuss over the petty things that I feel I am "wronged" by.  God has offered me grace to cover my sin...shouldn't I also offer grace when I am sinned against.  The Lord's prayer indicates that is just was the Lord wanted us to do - "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against  us..."  I know I have a lot to work on in the way of controlling my tongue..the words I use and the words I keep to myself...and I'm not saying we should roll over and let the whole world stomp all over us, but before I get angry and speak, I will definitely be thinking twice about the benefit of calling out the transgressor.  I will be asking my words fit the description in Ephesians 4:29 - "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."  I pray God gives me the wisdom to know what to say and when and the strength to keep my jaws closed when the words I'm thinking aren't meant to be said.

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