I haven't really written much about the goals that I set for myself around my birthday time. For some reason- probably because it is so close to New Year's and there is so much talk about resolutions and self-improvement at New Year's - I usually use my birthday as a starting point or re-starting point if I made any on the 1st for resolutions (which I choose to call goals). I stopped calling them resolutions because I felt that if I messed up after I made a resolution - well, that was the end of it - I failed at that resolution, but if I set a goal - something about the idea of reaching for a goal lets me allow myself to go one step backward as long as I'm headed two steps forward. Anyway...I set three main goals for myself on my 29th birthday a few months ago:
1) Get back into shape...now I am aiming for pre-college days shape (as in high school), but we all know that's pretty unrealistic...hello...I was a size 4/6, but a girl can dream, right! Only 10 dress sizes to go! :o)
2) Finish my Rosetta Stone...or, OK I admit it...move on from lesson one. I really want to speak Spanish. Last Sunday we had a guest speaker - a missionary that our church sponsors - from Guatemala. I was definitely moved by his message and my resolve to commit to this goal was renewed!
3) Get REAL! By that I mean - filter all the fakeness out of my life. I want to be genuine and I want to surround myself with people who genuinely care about me. This was one of the things that prompted my privatization of the blog. (I also want to protect Ashlyn and since there are so many pictures of her on this blog...that was another main reason.) I deleted over 300 people from my facebook friends. I "know" a lot of people...as in I've met them once or twice or I went to school with them or worked with them at some point in my life, but I don't really care about them. I want good for them...as I do for everyone...but they aren't real friends...so I went crazy with that delete button...and can I tell you...it felt REALLY GOOD! Well time to get to the point of the title of this entry- some of the steps of this last goal have been pretty easy, but others have proved to be pretty hard. I'm having to really look at my own heart and examine my own actions without blinders on. I can't have high expectations regarding how someone else treats me - if I can't control my own actions. At the same time though, I am re-evaluating my priorities and having to figure out what I like and don't like about myself. I'm learning to be proud of myself and not look to others for approval (that one is really hard for me!). The other day, I put the filter on some things in my life and it was emotional. I was having a rough day! But even in the hard times...I feel like God is watching out for me and leading me! A friend called me and I confided in her that I was having a hard day so she convinced me to skip out on work a little early and join her for a cup of coffee and a pedicure. Well let me tell you how much thought I put into that one...about 4 full seconds...and my reply was "I'm in!". I thought it would be nice to pick Ashlyn up early from preschool so we could have some quality girl time. I LOVE spending time with this friend. She is so "real". It was the perfect person for me to be with on that day! Well we enjoyed our coffee, made a quick stop at the bra shop (so happy to have them in the right place now!!! No more breastfeeding.), and we were off to get the pedicure. Ashlyn got a little fussy earlier when she wanted to eat, but she was much happier with her tummy full. We sat down, Ashlyn in my lap, and started soaking our feet-then the fun began. Ashlyn's tummy got a little upset so she spit up a little-no biggie-my friend could reach the hat in her bag-if it's washable...doesn't matter too much what it is to me...I'll mop up spit up with it. :o) Then she got sleepy and she refused to be rocked to sleep...no ma'am...she wants her own space to drift off to dreamy land. So I had the bright idea to go get her car seat out of the stroller and rock her in it...then I had the even brighter idea to get my feet out of the soapy water and walk to the stroller - the second after my feet hit the floor, my hip did too! I was holding Ashlyn in my right arm and I honestly would have broken something if I had to in order to keep her from hitting the floor. I don't think she even knew we fell-Thank God! So I sit there for a sec...tell everyone I'm ok...and regroup. I get up, get the darn car seat and sit back down - guess what it worked like a charm! She was out cold in about 2 minutes of rocking! My pedicure looks fantastic and the bruise on my hip is pretty impressive too! As I was driving my friend back to her car...a Mercedes started backing out of their space right as I was passing by. The second I saw movement I laid on the horn and by the Grace of my Merciful God! the car stopped and didn't hit me. My friend commented that she didn't even see them moving and didn't know how I did. I know how.... I said a little prayer of Thanks because as they said "God Knows..." I couldn't take any more that day. Truly He knows how much we can handle. I made some really funny (now! weren't so funny then) memories with my friend and I feel like I grew a lot that day. I learned a lot about myself and what I can handle (with God's help!).